Courage
by AnonymousRoise
Summary: There are days when I'm OK/And for a moment, for a moment I find hope/But there are days when I'm not OK/And I need your help/So I'm letting go. Songfic for Courage by Superchick. NO SLASH.


**_A/N- Kay, so I have a long line of Psych fic ideas lined up, and this was first on the list. Please review. Seriously, it fuels me. If you like it, please take the time to tell me. :)  
>Also, please like my facebook page! :D<br>/laikynp  
><em>**

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><p><strong>I told another lie todayAnd I got through this day  
>No one saw through my gamesI know the right words to say  
>Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"Then someone tells me how good I look  
>And for a moment, for a moment I am happyBut when I'm alone, no one hears me cry  
><strong>

Kady Hannah stood in front of her bathroom mirror, tears streaming down her face. The cries were silent, but the sobs that racked her body were wrenching, tearing at her gut with every breath she took. She shuddered and wrapped her arms around her teeny frame, seeing nothing but fat. Fat arms, fat stomach, fat back, fat thighs. She was _ugly_, and seemingly nothing would change that. She inhaled in determination and straightened up. She knew what she'd have to do.

**I need you to know/I'm not through the night  
>Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light<br>I need you to know/That we'll be OK  
>Together we can make it through another day<strong>

"O'Hara, let's go!" Lassiter called to his partner as he passed her desk. "We got a call. Body found on Oak street. Suicide."

"Coming." She replied, hooking her gun to its holster and pulling on her jacket. She followed her lanky partner to his car, climbing in the passenger seat.

"What's the story?" She asked as he peeled out of the parking lot. "You said suicide?"

"Seventeen-year-old Kady Hannah." Lassiter nodded. "Apparently, she was depressed and had anorexia, so there's no question it was suicide."

After realizing his partner hadn't said anything, Lassiter looked over at her. She was paled, staring out the window dazedly.

"You okay, O'Hara?" He asked, turning to look back at the road.

"What?" She looked over at him, obviously shaken. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"You look like you've just been punched in the gut." He deadpanned, and waved her hand.

"No, I'm fine." She told him. "I think I just ate some bad fish for lunch."

Lassiter apparently thought her explanation was satisfactory, as he left her alone. They got to the crime scene about ten minutes later, and Juliet tentatively entered, fearing what would happen when she saw the body.

**I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful/The day I chose not to eat  
>What I do know is how I've changed my life foreverI know I should know better  
>There are days when I'm OKAnd for a moment, for a moment I find hope  
>But there are days when I'm not OKAnd I need your help  
>So I'm letting go<br>**

_Thirteen Years Earlier_

Fifteen-year-old Juliet O'Hara stood in front of her full-length mirror, frowning. Maybe just five more pounds, and she'd be fine. Five pounds later, she was still frowning; maybe five more. Before long, she weight 86 pounds and was still dissatisfied. She felt fat, and she felt ugly, but most of all, she felt alone. No one saw her fat that she felt, they all told her how beautiful she was and how she should be a model. No one knew that she only ate a salad every day, and sometimes some crackers. Whenever she ate more, she was in the bathroom, making herself throw up to get rid of the calories she'd just consumed.

Finally, in the summer of 1998, her brother, Ewan took notice of her deteriorating condition and confronted her.

"Juliet, when was the last time you ate?" He asked her as she entered the house one afternoon.

"What?"

"You heard me." He stated. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't know…" She shrugged. "This morning?"

"You're lying."

Right then and there, she broke down, sobbing in her brother's arms. She admitted to not eating, and also to cutting herself in her depressive episodes that she had nearly every night. Her mother tried to help her, but when she realized her daughter's problems were far out of her reach, she sent her to a hospital. Juliet tried not to think of it as a nut house, but let's be honest. That's what it was.

After five months of treatment, she was better, again. She had gained twenty-three pounds and was a healthy 109 pounds. During her daily therapy sessions, she poured her heart out to her therapist, telling her of the times she'd contemplated suicide and the time that she came so dangerously close. No one else knew of them, not even her mother, who knew just about everything else. Soon, she was home again and that half of 1998 was never spoken of again.

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><p>"Carlton, I can't do this." Juliet whispered, staring at the girl in the bathtub. Her hair floated around her head, her eyes wide open. "I.. I feel sick." She partially lied.<p>

"I don't need vomit on the crime scene." Lassiter stated. "Go outside if you're going to do that."

Juliet merely nodded and left, feeling bile rise in her throat. As she walked out the front door, she ran right into Shawn.

"Jules!" He exclaimed with a grin. "What's going on?" He saw her face and his grin disappeared off his face. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just…" She looked up at her boyfriend's worried face, his eyes shining with concern. "No, no I'm not okay." She shook her head. Shawn looked over at Gus, and nodded toward the house, telling him to go inside. When he was gone, Shawn led Juliet towards the Blueberry. They got in and sat in silence a moment before Juliet started to speak.

**You should know you're not on your own/These secrets are walls that keep us alone  
>I don't know when but I know nowTogether we'll make it through somehow  
>(together we'll make it through somehow)<br>**

Juliet laid everything out, telling him everything about her past, including the suicidal thoughts.

"And, when this case came in, it was just so…" She shook her head. "It was how I felt. I could have been that girl thirteen years ago."

"But you're not." Shawn shook his head as he wrapped his arms around her. "You're not her. You're so strong, and you got through it, and that's why I love you."

"You didn't know about this when we started dating." She mumbled into his shoulder.

"No, but I knew you were strong." He replied. "So, so strong."

"I don't feel strong."

"But you are." He told her, pulling her back and looking into her eyes. "If you ever feel like this again, remember, you're not alone."

"I know."

"I'm always here for you. Always." He continued. "And so is Gus, and even Lassie." She grinned,

"if I ever feel this way again, I promise, I will not wallow in it." She told him. "I will come to you."

**I need you to know/I'm not through the night  
>Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the lightI need you to know  
>That we'll be OKTogether we can make it through another day **

_Three Weeks Later_

Shawn paced back and forth in the Psych office, wringing his hands. Should he really do this? Should he really tell her?

He had to. She had put herself out there like that, and told him her entire life story. He had contemplated telling her right then and there, but she was already so emotionally unstable, he figured it would be disastrous. So he let things die down a bit, and now he figured would be a good a time as any. She'd walk through that door any second. Five minutes from now, he'll know not only whether or not he had a girlfriend, still, but also whether or not he was going to prison.

"Hey Shawn!" Juliet greeted cheerily as she entered the office, interrupting his thoughts. "What's going on?"

"Jules, sit down." Shawn said solemnly, motioning to the armchairs. She nodded, curious as she sat down.

"What's wrong?"

"I have something to tell you." He started, sitting down across from her. "It's important, and I would really like it if you let me explain myself before… Well, before you react."

"Okay." She nodded, extremely worried. Had he cheated on her?

He took a deep breath,

"I'm… I'm not psychic."

Juliet stared at him in utter shock.

"Okay, now time for the explaining part." He fidgeted in his seat. "Six years ago, SBPD called me in to question me. I was calling in tips all the time to the police because I have hyper-observance skills and an eidetic memory, and I figured things out by watching the news. That's how I do the things I do. Well, they thought I was involved in a crime.  
>"I tried telling them that it really was just from watching the news, and they didn't believe me. They started to arrest me, so, I did the only thing I could think of to stay out of prison."<p>

He sighed,  
>"I told them I was psychic." He shrugged. "It worked. But then, they asked me to help on a case, and it just kind of spiraled out of control. I'm not gonna say I don't like what I do. I love what I do, I just… I just wish I didn't have to lie anymore."<p>

Juliet stared at him, trying to process everything he'd said.

"So, you're not psychic." She stated bluntly. "And no one knows except you?"

"And Gus." Shawn replied. "And my dad."

"Shawn, I don't..." She shook her head. "_I_ am not going to say I'm not mad that you lied. But I understand why you did."

"So, you're not going to break up with me?" He asked her, internally wincing, waiting for her answer.

"No, I'm not breaking up with you." She grinned. "But.. Shawn, you need to tell the chief."

"Aw, do I have to?" He attempted to sound funny, but he just sounded pitiful.

"Shawn, I'm a detective." She told him. "I can't keep something like this from them."

He looked down at his hands, and he actually felt tears coming to his eyes. All his life, he wanted nothing more than to leave Santa Barbara, to get away from this place he so regretfully called 'home'. Now, he wanted nothing more than to stay, and if he told the chief, his entire life could be ripped away.

"I don't want to lose this, Jules." He said softly. "I really, really don't."

"It's okay." She told him, placing her hands over his. "We'll do this together. We'll make it through this."

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><p><em><strong>AN-I know that some might say they want to see this continued, but I kinda wanted to make this mostly about Juliet. Shawn told her his secret, because she'd told him hers, so it's still mostly about her. Thanks for reading. :)**_


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